Catholic Funeral Mass

Early last week I learned that the father of two boys in my daughter’s school died of a heart attack during spring break. Although he is ten years older than us, both of his sons are my daughters’ age, and for three of the last four years at least one pair of them has shared a classroom teacher. In this way I’ve come to meet and casually know their mom, who volunteers at the school and occasionally served as room mom.

The funeral took place at the LDS church at the end of my street last night. A crowed of young and old gathered in the parking lot, creating a sea of black suits mixed with bright red shirts. (The deceased worked as coach for the University of Houston Cougar Swim Team and their school color is red.)

That night I passed by the funeral gathering on my way to attend a class at my church, where I spoke with another PTA mom about this family and their plans. We also discussed what we might do in a similar situation. My thoughts went back to the LDS parking lot, all those people waiting to go inside and pay their respects, worship his life, and honor him. If something happened to my husband, what would we do? Where would I have him buried? How would we worship his life?

The Catechism states that "The Christian funeral confers on the deceased neither a sacrament nor a sacramental, since he has 'passed' beyond the sacramental economy. It is nonetheless a liturgical celebration of the Church." (CCC 1684)

Would I have a Funeral Mass said for him? Even though he’s not Catholic, he has attended church with me and our children semi-regularly for the past 15 years. We were married in a Catholic church without a Mass. If he’s dead, isn’t the religious service in part to comfort me and our daughters. If we’re Catholic, wouldn’t it make sense to have a Mass?

On the flip side, if I died – would having a Funeral Mass and Rosary comfort him? I suppose these are discussions we need to have with each other while we’re still living.

Prayer of Abandonment

I am honored to be a guest blogger today over at Sarah Reinhard's fabulous site, Snoring Scholar, writing about my difficulty with the powerful Prayer of Abandonment.  Are you familiar with it?

Shelly and I met Sarah at the Catholic New Media Celebration in Boston last Summer.  In addition to her own blog, you can find Sarah writing at Faith and Family Live and CatholicMom.com.  She also contributes to several podcasts including Catholic Moments, Catholic Foodie and Faith and Family Live.  I am very excited about her new book arriving later in the year about the Advent season entitled, Welcome Baby Jesus.

Thank you to Sarah for allowing me at Snoring Scholar today and can't wait to host her over here at Of Sound Mind and Spirit.  Head over to Snoring Scholar today to check out Sarah's work and my new post about The Prayer of Abandonment.

Red-Light Lent

For weeks we were bombarded with messages about preparing ourselves for Ash Wednesday, Lent, and Easter. Maybe you really enjoyed the Mardi Gras party, but you’re still -not quite sure what all this noise is about fasting, giving, and praying.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by a perceived pressure to be perfect in your faith. Instead of thinking it’s all too much to do and not do anything, take courage to make a small hesitant step toward something more. Use this time to honestly examine where you are on your very personal path to Christ. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be open to a change of heart, to let something be set in motion within yourself.

My biggest obstacle is that I don’t think I have the time to devote to intense prayer. Then my pastor shared with us how he prayed that that we would all be able to find time to be still and know Christ’s love. He knows that many in his Parish are constantly busy with our jobs and families, but he prayed that we’d be able to find even 30 seconds or a minute in each day. That afternoon, while driving from the church to Home Depot, he heard God speak to him. God said He has given each of us ample opportunities for short moments of prayer. And so our Pastor invited all of us to have a “red light lent” - that is every time you stop at a red light, use that 30 seconds or minute to be still in prayer with God. It doesn’t take a lot of time to be still and think about God. We don’t have to put it off until we make time. God gives us time, even waiting at a red light.

I invite each of you to use this year’s Lenten season to come to God, to know Him better, to learn more, or even to take a step in return to the church. Let others be your guide; let them be ambassadors to Christ. Things that are difficult bring the greatest reward. Lent gives us that opportunity to return to God with all our heart so that on Easter morning we emerge a changed person.

How Do You Let Your Girls Dress?

Jennifer Moses has written a piece at the Wall Street Journal entitled, "Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?" that has everyone talking. It is an interesting article where she specifically asks the question, "Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?"  That is an excellent and loaded question. If we are not guilty of doing this ourselves, we are bound to have a friend or two who parents in this way.  

When Moses discusses this with a friend, the friend relates the trend to parents and specifically moms wanting to be their child's friend, rather than the parent.   "I think it's a bonding thing," she said. "It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there." Anyone who mistakenly believes it is better to be their child's friend than their parent, those who are afraid their child will "hate them" if given boundaries, needs to read Bringing Up Geeks by MaryBeth Hicks.  In her book, Hicks reminds us not to allow our children to "peak" in middle school, but to keep the long term goal in mind- to raise successful independent adults.  You cannot do that without actively parenting your child.  

Moses goes on to describe why she thinks parents are giving in to this trend of dressing our daughters like prostitutes.

We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn't have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom....So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.

Very interesting.  She in essence tells us that the Feminism of the 70's and 80's failed today's women and in turn is failing our daughters.  For Catholics, we can be thankful for Pope John Paul II's integrated vision of the human person in Theology of the Body to guide us in teaching our sons and daughters what we might not have learned about our body during our formative years. We are not hypocrites, but individuals who sinned.  We should educate our children with this gift presented in Theology of the Body because we are older and wiser and to hold it back from them would perpetuate our sin. There are programs to help our teens and pre-teens understand Theology of the Body in a way that will deepen their faith in God and develop their respect for their own body.

My oldest daughter is nine, so we are quickly approaching this world.  I'd love to hear from you on how you engage your daughter on this issue. Do you see these "fashion" trends of tween, preteens and teens as an issue or an over reaction by adults who've forgotten what it is to be young?  Do you let your daughter or son go along with their peers and pop culture so they will fit in and maybe have an easier time of growing up than you did?

Bittersweet Birthday

How well I remember that spring morning eighteen years ago waiting anxiously. The call came about 11 a.m. while standing at the Bookstop, ringing out the occasional Sunday customer. Excitedly, I darted into the hold books closet where I could momentarily talk and squeal with happiness at the newsthat my friend Becky had given birth to Nickalis and all was well.

A photo arrived about a week later, showing Becky at home, sporting that should-be-stylish exhausted “new mom” look, holding a tiny Nick sprawled across her arms, wearing a onesie and little hand socks. Becky was the first of my high school or college friends to have a baby and by default Nick became “our” first baby too. I think he was just a few weeks old when I made it down to Houston to visit for the first time. I smile today remembering what an outing it was to push the stroller through her apartment complex to get the mail.

We rejoiced with every milestone – first tooth, first words, first portraits, first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. His first haircut and first birthday party - a picnic in the park wearing cute little overall shorts. My grandfather – who died before my own children were born – loved Nick playing at his feet. I remember the first time the man who would become my husband held Nick. Watching them together I knew what kind of father he would be to our children. These images are so bright and vivid and happy in my memory.

The promise and joy of that Sunday morning eighteen years ago is overshadowed now with grief. The pain of losing him ten months ago is like a crusting sore that you try not to pick at. Except on days like today when his absence is overwhelmingly crushing.

Today, we should be celebrating his adulthood.

He should be at school laughing with his friends over goofy presents and their plans for tonight.

He should be taking senior photos and buying his graduation robe.

But he is gone from our lives in a moment of self-desperation that we can never understand.

And those of us left behind wake up today wanting to scream and cry and beat something until there is nothing more. Until we are completely empty and numb.

But life doesn’t work like that. I walk outside and the promise of new life surrounds me. Spring is back, with warm fragrant air, birds calling loudly, azaleas bursting into color, and trees popping with new leaves. Life marches forward, pushing us through one milestone date to another. Somewhere in this day I will grieve and I will pray and I will remember that little boy of my memories and the man he almost became.

Happy Birthday Nick. We know you are with God today, though we very much wish you were here with us.

St. Joseph's Feast Day

Sicilians celebrate St. Joseph, the foster-father of Jesus and patron saint of Sicily, by building an altar upon which they laden decorative breads, food, wine, cookies, candles. Our mother has memories of her grandmother's home altar each March and the special breads and cookies she made, while I only remember seeing photos of that altar and a few tables as examples at Italian Festivals.

Three years ago, my family participated in the Festa de San Giuseppe at St. Frances Cabrini church, a truly spectacular event. My daughters dressed as "Saints" - St. Agnes, the 13 yr old virgin martyr, and St. Elizabeth of Hungary, the princess who fed the poor and built hospitals for the sick during the Middle Ages. They processed into the church along with other children dressed as saints, Joseph, Mary, St. Frances Cabrini, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Jude, St. Lucy, Blessed Mother Theresa, St. Therese of the little flower, St. Clare, and others. All of the "Saints" sat in the front pews during Mass and then presided at the head tables where they tasted all of the special foods prepared for the feast day.

We had the great honor of hearing Mass celebrated by Cardinal DiNardo. I cannot recall a time I've ever heard the Litury of the Eucharist sung in chant, but he did and it was beautiful. His homily embodied humor, relevance to the readings, thought-provoking moments - and he literally brought down the house when about three-quarters through the fire alarms sounded. He stopped and casually remarked that it wasn't he first time he's used so much incense that the alarms went off. After repeated attempts to continue, only to have the alarms go off again, he was finally able to resume and finish the homily. During the final announcements, the Pastor, Father Fabj--who is known for his short on-target, pointed homilies--smilingly told the Cardinal that the alarms weren't for the smoke, but as a warning against long homilies. The Cardinal laughed with sincerity.

After Mass, the Cardinal entered the hall and blessed the altar. He spoke with a few of the children and posed for a few photos.

Then he left to make an appearance at the other Mass. When he returned, he sat at the head of the table to eat, with a large white tablecloth carefully tucked over his red garments. Everyone must be served, no one can be turned away, and the food was delicious! Pasta with red sauce, boiled eggs instead of meatballs (Lent) and breadcrumbs, spinach, fava beans, bread, and cookies - oh the cookies.

The Saints had to taste a little bit of everything on their plate. After that, many ladles of pasta were delivered.

We've been invited to participate for the past two years, but our Spring Break travel schedules conflicted with the dates. I'm so happy that my daughters had this experience in their life and hope to repeat it again in the future.

Catholic Media Promotion Day

Catholic Media is everywhere these days, but many people still aren't sure of where to find it or which ones to choose. Enter the brainchild of Greg Willits of The Catholics Next Door. He has created Catholic Media Promotion Day to get the word out all the wonderful Catholic New Media out there.

Shelly and I chose one favorite in each of the following categories to highlight for you. Favorite Blog or Website, Favorite Podcast, Favorite Book, Favorite Smartphone App, Favorite Catholic Media and a "Hidden Gem."

After reading through our favorites, head over to the special FaceBook page for Catholic Media Promotion Day to find even more favorites and suggestions.

Take a moment to write about your favorites on your own blog (if you have one), on FaceBook and leave a comment here sharing yours with us.

Shelly's Favorites

Favorite Blog or Website

Choosing only one blog or website to highlight on Catholic Media is difficult! From my friendships on Facebook and Twitter, I'm exposed to dozens of great blogs on a regular basis. Even though this may be repeated often, I'm going with SQPN.com , because it’s one of the best “go-to” sites for keeping up with what’s going on in the world of Catholic New Media. Father Roderick and the wonderful people responsible for content show us the fun side of being a Catholic.

Favorite Podcast

My introduction into the world of Catholic New Media began by listening to Catholic Under the Hood, which opened the door into a wide world of multiple Catholic podcasts available for any interest. I have many favorites, including the ever-exuberant Catholic Foodie, but in the last few weeks I’ve found myself listening to Catholic Family, enjoying their informal banter, parenting tips, and friendly conversation.

Favorite Book

Hands down my favorite Catholic book this year is Light of the World, the intimate conversation with Pope Benedict XVI by Peter Seewald. I found myself reading and re-reading every question, every answer, carefully considering the meaning of each sentence - meditating on the concepts, the context, and the truths of what The Holy Father shared about our Church.

Favorite Smartphone app

My favorite smartphone app is the SaintCast app introduced last summer that allows me to access the podcast at anytime, anywhere, without having to sync my iPod/iPhone with iTunes in advance.

Favorite Catholic Media

National Catholic Register for their variety of news and blogs. For news junkies, it’s a good place to get a Catholic perspective and editorials about what’s going on in the world around us, politically and socially.

“Hidden Gem”

I never go anywhere without my RosaryCast – RosaryArmy audio Rosary and Scriptural Rosary. Like the SaintCast app, having my audio Rosary available at my fingertips. Whenever I find myself with an unexpected 20-30 minute wait or downtime, it’s so convenient to pull out my iPod and be still in prayer led by the comforting voices of Greg and Jennifer Willets.

Lisa's Favorites

Favorite Blog or Website

Thomas Peters, aka American Papist is a daily must read for me. Now over at CatholicVote.org, Thomas successfully writes about politics and government from a Catholic perspective. I love his belief in online Catholic activism and his willingness to stand up for our values and morals, even when it is unpopular.

Favorite Podcast

I have been listening to Catholic podcasts for 4 years and credit many of them with helping me become closer to my Catholic faith. If I must choose just one, it has to be “The Break with Father Roderick”. With his conversations about our Catholic faith, Star Wars, food, travel and every other random topic he has discussed over the years, Fr. Roderick engages the listener in a personal relationship that brings you back again and again. He makes me laugh, cry, smile and love God even more.

Favorite Book

I stumbled upon a book at a Christian bookstore 7 years ago that clarified the way I viewed my Catholic faith. Rediscovering Catholicism: Journeying toward our Spiritual North Star by Matthew Kelly opened my eyes to the spiritual side of Catholicism I was missing. This is a book I hand out to many of my Catholic friends who feel separated from the faith and Church. Reading it helped me reconnect with Catholicism at a time I was searching for more in my spiritual life.

Favorite Smartphone app

3 Minute Retreat by Loyola Press. With a scripture reading, reflection and prayer, this lovely app provides the tools I need to have a personal prayer retreat at any moment of the day.

Favorite Catholic Media

OSV Newsweekly, a weekly newspaper that arrives in my mailbox, is full of articles and news relevant to our living out our faith.

“Hidden Gem”

I must agree with my sister, Shelly, for Hidden Gem. My favorite has to be The Rosary Cast, free Rosary mp3’s by Rosary Army. For several years I have used their recordings as an aid when praying the rosary. Recently I have introduced my young children to these mp3’s when praying the rosary as a family or on their own. They are an aid to prayer for anyone longing to pray the rosary.

What are your favorites?

The View for Catholic Women

There’s so much on television targeted toward women that sometimes it’s hard to know what to watch. If you’re a fan of the chatty morning show format, but often cringe at some of the crass, argumentative, approaches to gossipy topics, you will want to set the DVR or tune in to the Catholic View for Women. Promoted as “an authentic Catholic alternative to secular, self-absorbed women’s programming,” the Catholic View launches on EWTN this Friday, March 11 at 6:30 p.m. ET/5:30 p.m. Central.

For half an hour, broadcast journalist and author, Teresa Tomeo, along with Janet Morana and Astrid Bennett Gutierrez, tackle women’s issues from a Catholic perspective. Six episodes taped last December are now scheduled to air once a month, on the second Friday, beginning this Friday (tomorrow) with an introduction. Future episodes address hard hitting topics such as vocation, feminism, contraception, and self-esteem. The show seeks to introduce women to the fullness, beauty, and grace of our faith, with positive discussion. Questions or suggested topics for future episodes are welcomed.

Personally I’m looking forward to watching the introduction episode, not only to see what kind of chemistry they bring to the screen, but also to learn more about the three hosts. We spotlighted Teresa Tomeo during Catholic Speaker Month in October 2009, but I’m unfamiliar with her co-hosts: Janet Morana, Executive Director of Priests for Life and Astrid Bennett Gutierrez, Executive Director of Los Angeles Pregnancy Services and Vice President of Hispanics for Life and Human Rights.

Will they be witty? Will they be serious? Or will they find just the right casual informative spark that attracts women to tune in every month?

Find out on Friday night, 6:30/5:30 on EWTN.
Edited to add: If you do not get EWTN on your local cable or satellite subscription, you can watch the show at 6:30 p.m. Eastern on Friday online at www.EWTN.com. Scroll your mouse over to the "Television" tab and select your Internet settings.

3 Pillars of Lent Prepare our Hearts for Christ

3 Pillars of Lent

Preparing a lesson on Ash Wednesday and Lent for yesterday’s 3^rd grade religious education class clarified my own discernment for Lent this year. Growing up, Lent for us was usually about giving something up, like soft drinks, and abstaining from meat on Fridays. We were not aware of the other two pillars of Lenten observance, almsgiving and prayer. Looking back, I feel as if I missed so much potential spiritual growth during those teenage and college years.

Teaching my 8 and 9 year olds yesterday in faith formation, I wanted them to realize Lent is more than saying no to dessert for 40 days. Lent is a time for us to change our lives and grow in holiness. Through fasting (giving up), almsgiving (giving to others) and prayer, we endeavor to develop a closer relationship to God. Our 40 days should be filled with reflection, service and prayer. Explaining Lent to my class and answering their creative questions made me ponder more deeply the things I have chosen to do in observance of Lent.

My list of Fasting items revolve around time-consuming habits, causing me to question the true purpose of each fast. How are the things I want to give up for 40 days going to help me develop a closer relationship with God? Will my fast encourage me to avoid the near occasion of sin? Will abstaining from these activities lead me to become a more faith-filled person? Facing these difficult questions and answers leads me to pray further about my choices.

When our class discussed Almsgiving, the kids immediately thought of giving money to charity. While acknowledging that fiscal donations are a great service to others, we also discussed more direct ways to help our fellow man. The aim through almsgiving is to love others as Jesus loved us; to live our profession of faith not just through our words, but also through our actions.

Almsgiving is a time to heed a call for change in our lives. Even simple ideas, can lead to profound impact; such as, stop complaining, volunteer for an organization, visit or contact my elderly relatives more often, take a meal to a sick neighbor, or focus on loving others rather than criticizing them.

The pillar I most overlooked in my youthful observance of Lent was Prayer. As an adult, it is the aspect I now spotlight the most, though I admit it is the part of Lent I am least successful at observing. It is been my tendency to go overboard and commit to too many things; however, this year, I am pairing down and focusing on a few big devotions.

Since I did not focus on prayer during Lent as a child during, it is my favorite part to share with my children now. There are so many wonderful ways to encourage my children towards prayer during Lent it can be overwhelming. This year we are choosing a couple that the children seem interested in, such as learning to pray the rosary together, and add the few we loved from last year, such as posting new prayers on their bathroom mirror. 

We are not called to do only one, but all three pillars to prepare our hearts for Christ on Easter. Lent has grown to become one of my favorite times on the liturgical calendar as I am reminded of humility and sin. This is a special time to reflect on God’s grace and change ourselves to become as God calls us.  Only through God's grace and mercy will we make it to our ultimate goal of heaven.

Lisa Jones

How Much Does God Love You?

At times in our life, we face obstacles that seem too difficult. We label them impossible and in doing so, we limit our own potential to achieve greatness.

In 1977, 15 year old Rick Hoyt, a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy, asked his father if he could participate in a five mile benefit run. Though his father was not a long-distance runner, he ran the entire five miles, pushing Rick's wheelchair.

Since that time, they have completed together over 1000 races, including marathons, duathlons, triathalons and six Ironman competitions. In 1992, they biked and ran across the United States - 3,735 miles in 45 days.

Witness the love of this one father for his son and consider, if he would do all this for his son, How much does God love you?

175 Years of Texas Independence

Dodransbicentennial

Demisemiseptcentennial

Quartoseptcentennial

Terquasquincentennial

No matter how you try to say it, Texans across the state are excited about celebrating 175 years of Independence today.

Last year we presented the basic facts about Texans declaring their independence from Mexico. This year we invite you to travel the Texas Independence Trail visiting Texas landmarks hosting upcoming events. The Texas State Historical Association provides a helpful list with links of event dates throughout March and April. No matter where you live in Texas, there will be an event, exhibit, lecture, or re-enactment.

If you can't travel across our great state of Texas, you may be interested in taking a tour of the new online exhibit presented by the Texas State Library and Archives showcasing a dozen carefully selected documents honoring the people and events of the Texas Revolution including our own Declaration of Independence (pictured above).

Pick up a copy of Texas Monthly (March issue) for their "Great Terquasquincentennial Road Trip, featuring 175 spots in the state where defining events took place. Editors also include a Terquasquincentennial blog allowing readers to post their own suggestions for great moments or places in Texas history.

Wherever you may live across our nation, we hope you pause with us to raise a glass in honor of our brave Texas heroes in their cause for independence.

"Texas will again lift its head and stand among the nations" - Sam Houston

Bond of Catholic Motherhood

When I joined my small MOMS group at my still new parish, I developed many expectations.  While working on our MOMS book study, we discussed and brainstormed great ideas of ways to support our fellow parish moms in the faith education of their children and their own spiritual life.

Upon reaching the end of our study, I asked the ladies what should be our next step and did we want to open our group to other moms in our ever-growing parish.  Their answers surprised me.  The other women preferred continuing with just our current members, as a small group.  Each of them loved our small group and felt it was a rare thing that we connected with each other so well.  At our ending brunch next week, we will choose a new book to study and keep it just us.

However, inside I was shaking my head, wanting to burst out and remind them of all the wonderful ideas we had about sharing our spiritual discoveries with other moms.  As my mind said, “No, we could make our group bigger and better and turn it into a real parish ministry to include other moms,” something held me back from expressing all those thoughts.

Later, sitting in my car I recognized that what I really wanted was control over the group.  I wanted to use it to pursue my own agenda rather than truly further the bond of motherhood we ladies had developed.  Thinking about it, I realized this is something I frequently do. In my attempt to control and achieve what I wanted, I was overlooking what God was giving to each of us through this small meeting of Catholic moms. God was giving me a gift I didn’t even realize I wanted or needed.  A bond of Catholic Motherhood.

Talking with my sister helped me to see that I was ignoring God’s will and His hand at work in my life.  I entered this group last fall barely knowing most of these women and unsure what I would “get out” of this journal of personal reflection.  I joined purely from a desire to connect with other moms in my parish.  While the actual study was not my favorite, the conversations sparked within our group were inspiring and heartfelt.

I discovered six wonderful moms who are all on similar, yet different paths from me.  Through sharing our experiences, fears, stresses, joys and laughter we connected not just as women, but as moms and as Catholic moms.  The Lord brought us all into that room several months ago with a plan.   Not my plan — His plan.  God is calling us to minister to each other and through that ministry; He is bringing us closer to each other, His Church and His Son.